so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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