He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
she pinky promised me she was 18
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
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