my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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