Will you blow on my dice?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
