I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
