I just saw a hot homeless man
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Randomize
