explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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