Got a toothbrush?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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