I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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