I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
