i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
