Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
