im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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