Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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