there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
