I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
