4 words: hood of his car
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
