My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize