You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
