i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
