i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
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