let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
