I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Randomize
