Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
