I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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