its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
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