My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
