The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
sarcasm needs its own font
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Randomize
