i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
