I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
