I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
