I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
