I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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