I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
