he thought i was a dude.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
