Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
