Need sex. Gaining weight.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
It was confusing and full of hummus
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
