your parents love me but you hate me
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
