why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
