I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
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