Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
