yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
