I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
It's official drugs can't kill me
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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