What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
