Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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