This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
You've changed since you got that strap on
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
