do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
