I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
