A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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