Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
