honey bunches of taint.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
