I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
