im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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