My brain says no but my pants say off.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
