Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
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