My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Man, jail baloney is awful.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
